I think I need to accept the fact that I'm going to be single for my whole life, move into the Swiss Alps in a small wooden cabin, and make a living by hand carving wooden garden gnomes.
All signs are pointing to these events. At least the first part.
I should probably Forget about F and Z and just do what I'm good at.
That is, ignoring my problems and not facing them. And being dissatisfied, I'm good at that too. Has there ever been a lasting moment of joy in my while life? As in over a long period of time for a single thing. I dont think I've experienced that. Or maybe I'm ungrateful and spoiled and too cocky for my lifestyle. Either way, its not good.
All I truly know in this world is that I am not happy with what I have. Maybe it's justified, maybe its not. Maybe I'm seeing things from the wrong angle. And my perception of many things have been changing on this trip in ways I would never expect to view things, some small, some big. In terms of history, life, food, etc.
I really just need someone who's not a professional to sit me down and talk me through this as a person to person kind of thing. Someone who I trust, and knows what they're doing. And I haven't met anyone like that yet. Or at least I don't know that anyone is like that.
I've never been so uncertain in my life.
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