Low Five!

Dear Reader,
I am sorry that once again a bad day has occurred. I just realized that that was a really stupid sentence. I could delete it and write something else, but my fingers are too lazy to reach for the "Delete" button. Yet I manage to use "Shift" and the quotation marks. Weird. Anyway, today was just more reassurance of my incapability as a person. OK, I know that sounds really harsh, but let me explain. I just don't know how to talk to people. It just doesn't happen with me. I must have missed something very important during the past 16 1/2 years. I just don't know how to begin a real conversation and carry it with new people. I don't even know how I have the friends I have and the established comfort level that exists with them. They must be really tolerant people. But when people gather, I don't want to continually be around the same "safe" friend the whole time, but when I try to join another circle of people or just walk around all lonesome and such, nothing happens. I know, I probably only have myself to blame, but there has to be at least some injustice occurring here. I must appear off-putting or something, or maybe people don't like people with glasses and curly hair. I don't know, but I expected people to be at least a little bit more welcoming. And I do try. I try to talk to new people, but they usually either can't hear me or answer my question as quickly and shortly as possible. They don't pick up on the fact that I'm trying to be friendly. And I know in their situation I would try to include myself, at least I hope I would. But in general, I just have that irresistible childish urge for attention. And if I didn't have that, I could settle, but I do have it and I can't help it. Its more of a human need than just a childish one, a need for recognition and respect. But lately I haven't been seeing much of that, and I honestly think that barely anyone here would care if I left for some reason or another. But I'm not going to leave. I'm going to brave this out and try to hope for the best. I mean, its only been one week of eighteen. There are many more opportunities. If those few readers don't especially like all this personal stuff, please tell me because I also want to please the readers and give them insight into my experience.

As for my itinerary, we had a short service which included a very strange debate regarding beer at celebrations. Very odd compared to the conservative services I am used to. After that and lunch, I went back to my room to attempt to do physics homework, but failed and fell asleep. After that I wandered around looking for somebody to watch Freaks and Geeks with, but they bailed out, quoting homework as their excuse. But I assume it was honest and truthful. We then had a havdalah service and then left to ben yehuda street where it rained and hailed like no other. I just accepted it and got drenched, but I didn't feel anything by it. But this was in the midst of the "bad" period so I guess that would explain it. And just to let you know, it was never COMPLETELY bad, because there are still some people that I do interact with. And I didn't get to meet up with my sister again, which was dissapointing, but my mom got us Phish tickets (I'm pretty sure) so I'm happy about that. And we might go to this Wakarusa festival in Arkansas, but once again I also feel like I am hanging around the same people too much and annoying them. I feel like I can never be comfortable with anyone. And I don't even know why I'm publishing this anyway and why I'm making this blog public or anything because all it is is notating my bipolarness. And the counselors are uncaring too, at least with me. I don't know if I've said this before, but I really feel like this is the determining point in my life to see how the rest of it will turn out. Sometimes I scare myself. Well, I have loads of homework to get to, some that I dont remember what to do, so I best be going now.