Fin

So its been a few days since EIE ended. And I've never felt this way before, this aching, longing, tired feeling. All around unpleasant.
But the last few days of EIE were some of the best. Ample amounts of free time allowed me to hang out with The Four and others, taking in and savoring the final moments I have with these magnificent people. Wednesday we went to Holon, and then Tel Aviv, where we first went to a museum where its pitch balck and you feel what its liek to be blind. It was extremely cool and insightful, but basically just made me scared into not trying to go blind. I'll think twice about staring into the sun or pouring acid into my eyes now. Tel Aviv was really fun, i jsut hung out with some guy friends and jsut followed them while they shopped; i had very little money, which i was saving for food. Anyway, back at home base (AKA the kibbutz) a lot of the guys were playing with their toy guns they bought when we went to the druze place, people were beginning to get moody, and the overall atmosphere was a very retrospective and nostalgic one. I forgot what we did Thursday and Friday, but it can't be too significant. Or it could be. Shit. OH I remember. It was the Jewish holiday of Shavuot, which is a harvest festival and the traditional date when the Torah was recieved. The night before we stayed up late studying Jewish text, because that is also a tradition during this holiday. I got to see the shirts with my face on them that day too, and it actually turned out to be a great shirt. The enxt mornign we woke up at 4AM so we could make pilgrimage to the Western Wall (Kotel), as this holiday is one of the three that in the distant past people used to bring their haervests to the temple. It was crowded, but a great experience nonetheless, and I managed to legit pray for a bt, the first time ive done so at the wall. It was a very unique and worthwhile experience. Well shabbat was very sentimental and sad, as it was the last one, and basically I used a lot of this free time to give people music and movies. So saturday night we had havdallah, which was really sad, but also awesome because we went to the "Tel", or old ruins, on top of the kibbutz and watched the sun set. I sat next to one of The Four and later Z, and theres a nice 20 min video of it on fbook that makes me really sad. But its good that it was recorded. So were a lot of videos that are popping up everywhere on the big FB. So sunday, the final day, came along. We took a tour of the military cemetary in Israel, where several soldiers are buried along with some prominent polticians. It was a really meanignful and respectful place, and Im pretty sure Im going back this summer. There was also Herzl's grave, which was probably the most important one there to me, as the mountain upon which the cemetary is built is named after him. So after that we proceeded to visit the old city for the last time, ate some decent falafel, some good froyo, observed an argument about judiasm being a nationality between my friends and these american college kids, and then had a conversation with my jewish history teacher for the last time, which was really nice. Then we went to the wall for the final time, i wrote a note (in hebrew) and put it in the wall, though im not really spiritual in that sense. but tis tradition, and it fit in, so... We returned back for the final banquet that night, where I dressed up in my suit, and had many pictures taken of me with people, mainly girls. We then proceeded to eat the best meal I've had on the kibbutz (and second to last) and then went to the ceremony type thing where we thanked everyone and a lot of people spoke, etc.....AND THEN, after we got our yearbooks and stuff, we met up with out jewish hsitory teachers for the last time. It was very sad, but it had to be done. Later, we had this party type thing at the kibbutz's bar (no alcohol though) which included a talent show which included me getting up on stage, giving a thumbs up to the audience, and leaving the stage, which didnt really work, but it wasnt a terrible fiasco. Anyway, that was fun, especially the dancing which proceeded the talent show, all of which lasted late into the night and into the morning. I hung around with The Four for most of it, especially L, trying hard realizing it was my last opportunity, but at the same time I realized that I wasnt receiving any hints or cues that she liked me so I, sadly, abandoned that plan, continuing to make me a hook-up virgin, which surprisingly doesnt bother me as much as I'd thought it would. But like I said before, thats not all im after and its not even the first thing im after, But I had a very enjoyable time at the party, hanging out with my best friends in the final moments, enjoying the shit out of what I had left. Sometime after it oficially ended around 3 AM, I was left to help clean up with a few others...But after that I returned to my room, tired as fuck, and i forgot if I did anything, but I fell asleep. I woke up around 5ish to a most pleasing sight, L and one of the Four sitting at the foot of my bed. I know i will recall this memory as perhaps one of the best ones of EIE. So I think I just hung around with them and a few others outside the rooms until breakfastm in the cold of the morning of June 1st. Before breakfast and during, it was a continuous sobfest, me not excluded either. It was especially harsh when my bus group got together and had to say goodbye, as well as the even harder part of saying goodbye to the people on the second flight who were leaving later, which included 3 of the Four, including L and F and the one sitting on my bed. The bus ride and the airplane and leaving the airplane to get our connecting flight all entailed crying and saying goodbye, some for good, some until we visit each other. Many people asked me at the airport why everyone was crying, and I had to explain to them our program and how we all live in different places. The flight to Newark was sad, but bearable, singing the HaTikvah as we landed, somewhat mournfully. The flight to Milwaukee was more quiet, but a little less sad as we all live near each other. But still, it was sad. And it only got worse getting back home, especially finding out that one of my dogs that I've had since I was in first grade died while I was gone, my family waiting until I got back to tell me, which i guess was smart as they didnt want to make me sad while I was having such a good time.
But I look back at everything, and I've realized how much I've changed, and how much I've developed as a person, yet remaining fundamentally the same. Ive gained so much knowledge about me as a person and my Jewish and personal identity, and me as a social being, something I'd never thought of me being. Ive gained so much confidence, something I really lacked prior to this מסע (journey). All in all, EIE has made me a much more rich person in many ways, and has left me with everlasting friendships, and memories to be cherished forever.
אני מתגעגע את תיכון ני’ר, אהבתי את תיכון ני’ר, ואזכר את תיכון ני’ר