Wow. Wow. Wow. So much has happened over the past week or so. No, I Haven't hooked up with anyone yet or found the cure for cancer, but a lot has still happened. I have a journal with blog reminders so that I wouldn't forget anything that happened, as lot of important, funny, sad, inspirational things have occured. But first, I'm writing this from my host family's computer on the first day of Pesach (Passover), under a little pressure as my roommate who is also on the porgram with me, I beleive, wants to go on the computer too. But I'll continue to write what will probably be my longest post as of yet. So prepare to read, rub your eyes, drink your coffee, and strap your seatlbelts, because you're in for one hell of a ride.
I'll start from where I left off, packing for Poland.
March 31st, 2009
In the wee hours of the morning, me and my roommates were spending our finals moments as roommates staying up late (despite the fact that we had to wake at 2 AM) and watching MTV and reality shows about famous rapper's families. It was very fun, all of us having a laugh or two. We planned to have an all-nighter, but we simply got too tired to carry on any longer, so we were forced by our physical limitations to sleep. Oh darnit. Anyway, we also had to run back and forth to get stuff we forgot, as we place all of our stuff we dont need in locked classrooms. So I bonded further with my roommates then as well, wandering the kibbutz after 9PM curfew. But the sleepy bus ride to Ben Gurion airport fared well, and we checked in a long ass line for Katowice (the airport in Poland) with all of our luggage. We got through security and stuff, and as we walked in, Lubavitch Chabad people stole my friend at 4AM and forced him to put on tfillin, while me and another friend who was with him watched in silence, as he yelled at us for ditiching him and not doing it too. I felt a little bad, but I knew he would have done the same, and hy should we all suffer the same fate if we dont have to. I have to admit though, I was a bit compelled to wear tfillin, seeing as I have yet to do so in Israel, or wear a tallit for that matter. But this summer will answer those questions., when I return to ISrael once more on a more religious program. I also, at the airport, played cards with this one girl whom I think might like me, or is just really enthusiastic about me. She's cute, but something about her strikes me as a bit odd, but I cant exaclty determine what it is. I might be imagnining it. I probably am. Oh Well. I taught her "Casino", soemthing that I played all the time at camp, so it revived a lot of lost memories of hours playing the game on Shabbat and so on. In line for check in, everyone was laughing at each other's passport photo, noone having a good picture that looked good. I guess government pictures are supposed to be unflattering. Its a trick they use. Im sure of it. Anywhosits, guess who I was sitting in front of. F. No way. Yes way. Out of the whole plane of 250 people. Something odd strikes me aobut her as well. Some days she seems enthusiastic with me (of which I'll give examples later) and other times she seems to compeltley ignore me. I dont understand girls. I guess I'm a true guy here. Maybe its her, maybe its me, maybe its fate, maybe its... We talked very briefly throuhgout the flight, which held a lot of teenagers from ISraeli schools as well. Very obnoxious people, by the way, israeli teenagers, are. But the army usually whips them into shape and turns them into upstanding citizens. Oh. And guess what. it was Z's birthday that day. Which actually proved to be very good, as it gave me reason to be friendly with her, without the pressure of me liking her anymore. I mean, if soemthing changed in her mind, than my midn would probably change too, but as of now I'm not interested in her in that way, simply as a friend now. At the Katowice airport, we talked and formed the Veg Council, both of us being vegetarians, among other members as well. But we are the two founders and leaders. Its very nice, having this new connection now. It also followed for the whole Poland trip as often Vegetarians were segregated at different tables or even different rooms sometimes so it would be easier to serve us. So that allowed for some more bonding with her and other Vegetarians,who I've found to all be very good people, obviously with soem ethical values instilled in them if they refuse to eat animals. And it turns out that I'm the only guy vegetarian on the trip. DOes that give me leverage for the girls? I dont know, hopefully. Anyway, Z had this feathery-Native American hat chief thing that she wore, and than gave to me to wear, me being the chief of the veggire council now. I wore it through the airport exit, with a lot of Poles staring at me. But I didn't care for some reason. I usually fear judgement so much that I would refuse to wear it in public, but I think my newfound confidence and playfulness has allowed me to do that. But the feathers kept swinging into my mouth, which was bothersome at times. Oh Well. Its good that we are friends now and its not awkward between us even though she knows that I like/d her. And she said it herself that she thought for the first month or two that it was awkward between us because we had had those vidchats before the program without knowing wach other. I never thought it was awkward, but I guess it was. She also said it was awkward with this other girl that we had 3-way vidchats with, but during Poland (later than the airport) we made up and are now friends, me not really even talking to the third girl before now, but now we are closer and friendly, as I will have some stories about her later. Anyway, we drove from Katowice airport to Warsaw, about a 5 hour bus ride, making us very late to visit the Warsaw Jewish cemetary, where we learned about the Jewish community of Poland pre WWII. It was cold, but not creepy or scary at all, but serene and peaceful. After that, where I lightly nudged F as I walked by her in a move of affection, we headed to the hotel, where we dropped off our stuff and they gave us some Zlodyz (the Polish currency) to buy dinner. I hung out with four girls looking for a place to eat, eventually settling on the very Polish Pizza Hut. The food was amazing, and there were a lot of people from my program there as well, even the counselors. We had an issue with money, not having enough between what they gave us, so we had to borrow from other kids to pay for it and include the tip. While we waited outside for our groups to leave, I hung out with F and her three other girl friends and one of their boyfriends, who Ive been hanging out with more in an attempt to get closer to F, but Ive just been getting closer to her 3 girl friends rather than her. Weird shit. She wrestled the girl's boyfriend for a reason I forgot, but it was a bit strange, wondering, as her husband, if I should step in and break it up, or let them work it out. Of course it was play fighting, but still. We departed back to the hotel and in the lobby, I sat on a couch, and it so happened that many girls came to the couch as well, making one of the counselors and kids calling it the pimp chair, me being the pimp, of course. This is also where I think one of those girls started to like me, or where I first realized it. I'll call her Q, jsut in case something does happen. I dont like her liek I do/did Z and F, but she's a great girl nonetheless, and our families are from the same place in greece, which is a cool coincidence.
My roommate is pretty cool, not too cool or awesome, but a good guy, and I've been rooming with him the whole semester so far, so I was used to his habits of long showers and so forth. We have the same roommates for the whole Poland trip, so I was with him the whole time.
FUCK. That was only one day. SHIT. Imagine how much I'll write when I cover the whole WEEK. SHIT SON. Ill peresvere and continue regardless of the risk or carpal tunnel.
WEDNESDAY, April 1st. - (I'm only including the truth here, so no april fool's jokes)
In the morning when we had to move out, the elvators were jammes with everyone trying to get down at the same time. It was Chaos, but funny at the same time. The hotel breakfast was very nice and tasty, and F's friends talked to me about a scheme to wake her up involving me being next to her in bed without a shirt on and smoking a ciggarette like we slpet together or something like that. It woudl be hilarious, but I was not ready to weird her out, and when F found out about it, she got a little angry at her friends, but she said not so much at me. Maybe thats the reason why she ignores me now? We then bussed to a place/Shtetl called Tikochin, where we learned, in the bitter cold, about the Jews of the town. We had this one part where we picked Jewish/Rabbinical phrases that we like, and I picked one about Silence being importnat which made people laugh, becuase if you know me at all. I dont tend to talk as much as other people do. I then explained, as did everyone else with their respective phrases, why I chose it and why I choose to be silent often. The reasons I gave was that not everything you think is worth saying, and that you shoudl only pick to say what you deem important to communicate, and that it helps you listen and learn, so that when you do speak, it can be an educated sentence. But after the village, we visited these forests, and as soon as we headed down the dirt path, I knew where they were taking us, as they didnt tell us where we were going, and they told us to keep silence on the bus ride. It was the mass graves fo the Jews of the town, exterminated by the Nazis. It wa very sad and emotional, me even choking up a few times. There were three pits of graves, with candles lining them all along with ISraeli flags, which got to me the most, for some reason. That was that day, a very sad ending to what we learned about the vibrant town and the cool synagogue of theirs that we visisted that still stood. End of Day.
THURSDAY, APRIL 2nd
I'm getting a bit tired, but I'll continue to write, and I hope the people in this house don't think I'm weird spending so much time on the computer typing loudly and quickly. We arrived in the town of Lublin, I think, and we went to the Old Town area, where we hung out for some time for some reason, but I noticed there something aout myself. I'm a wanderer. I wander between groups of friends, not being able (or probably not wanting) to stay with one group, or just seeing more friends that I want to hang out with that I havent seen in a while. I espeically noticed my affinity for F's friends, who are really cool people. After that though, was a really important scenario. It was the visit to our first Nazi Death Camp. Called Maidonek, it killed 78,00 Jews and Poles or more, and it somewhat preserved. There was this huge memorial stone that makes no sense to interpret, but the Holocaust doesn't make much sense either. We, in silence mostly, mournfully observed the remaining barracks of the work camp, and went inside the gas chambers where thousands were killed on the spot. We also saw thousands and thousands of pairs of shoes belonging to the murdered, and what really hit people the most was the intact crematorium, where they burned the bodies of the dead. Horrible, horrible stuff. But I couldn't feel anything except maybe for one minute outside the crematorium. it was just empty. I couldnt muster the strength to exhibit or feel any emotion. I was sad, for sure, but not in a true sense. There was also a huge mound of ashes of the deceased in the camp. Like a GIANT mound of ashes. Terrifying stuff.
Moving back to more pleasant stuff, on our way to Krakow from Lublin, two of my friends (girls) made a song about me, mostly ridiculous stuff that I forgot most of, but it was very funny, also being glad that the sad feeling did not overwhelm all of us too much, though I saw many people cry after the crematoria. That night at dinner though, F came up to me during the meal jsut to talk to me. And I was in a seperate vegetarian room too! I dont know how she found me, but it made me feel so good about myself, thinking (key word) that she liked me again. But once again, I dont understand girls as she ignored me the next day.
FRIDAY, APRIl 3rd
That day we visited many old synagogues, especially this gorgeous one with all this gold ornamentation and chandeliers. It was probably the best looking synagogue I've ever been in. Ive also noticed I've been making more friends, or at least a few closer ones that I was simply noly friendly with before. There are a bunch of these people, guys and girls, that have seemed to attached themselves to me more strongly recently. I dont know if word got around of how great a guy I am or how Im simply the most awesome person in the world, but its happening, and I feel great about myself for it. Finally, some recognition. That night, we had Fri night services at the Jew museum of Krakow, with some Polish kids (non Jews) for some reason, and had short discussion groups with them, which were very awkward and pointless, but it was nice seeing some Polish youth around my age. He was a very simple person, our Pole, and didnt seem to interesting besides being Polish. But he can do whatever he wants. The services were super short, limited to just songs, Something Im not used to, as my camp's services are super long. ANd once again today, I dont understand women, I think I might be done for ever. Perhaps Im meant to be alone my whole life, I have been like this so far. So I wouldnt even know what I was missing. But its better to have loved and lsot than never to have loved at all. So there are two sides to that crumbling cookie. (I dont know what that means) ANd why do I find it so pressing that I need to hook up or be in a relationship now? Perhaps peer pressure is the most concerning issue. Probably the only issue. And that I want to be close to someone. Oh God. That sounds so cliche and cheesy. Whatever, I cant express it any other way while being honest. Maybe its my hormones. Probably that too. Anyway, that night everyone got a letter from their parents tellin them about Poland and sort of a reassurance letter. Mostly everyone got something from their parents. I didnt. The counselors still wrote me one so I wouldnt feel bad not getting one, but I still felt bad that somehow my parents didnt have the oppourtunity to write me one, seeing as my own father is a holocaust survivor, Im sure hed have something impotant and reassuring to say. That night, me and my really awesome, kind friend were bored, so we sat in the elevator, and simply rode it until curfew, or at least five miuted before curfew when a hotel worker saw us and yelled at us to stop sitting on the elevator. But it was fun and we got to talk to a lot of kids on the program, and it was fun! Yippee! That day though (sorry this is out of order) we went to town, in the main square, which is really cool and large and very cultured, and I hung out with some friends that I dont always especially like and ate some dumplings and ice cream at this hole in the wall place.I t was ok food, but everyone else thought it was amazing. I didnt, but I didnt tell them that, becuase it would single me out and ruin their high. One of the kids who I hung out with then, later told me all these hilarious camp stories of his (jew camp, of course) which were very fun to hear, and reminded me of my camp stories, but made me sad, realizing all the ones I missed, leaving camp very early last summer for personal reasons.
SATURDAY, APRIL 4th
We had services that morning at that gorgeous synagogue I spoke about earlier, but what happened there kind of frightened me. My program is reform, so we play instruments on shabat services (im not really reform, but the program is) and some other israeli group visitng the same synagogue yelled at the principal of my program, yelling in hebrew "you are a doing a holocaust on the Jews" and "You are not Jews" referring to the boys and girls sitting next to each other and the use of a guitar. It was frightening, especially as Im always afraid of things like that when more observant people judge the less observant. The girl I sat next to during the services, who is friends with F and has the boyfriend, is very friendly with me, as she was later. OK A brief Stop here. My host family lady just cmae in the computer room and told me she wasnt used to people being on the computer for so long, and I explained very awkwardly about how Im committed to this blog and that I have a lot to write about. Now I feel bad that Im doing this and its takign a logn time, but I need to get out all my emotions and feelings now through this blog rahter than hold them inside. AHHHHH. She thinks Im a weird American.....
Anyway, that girl always holds my hand and stuff and hugs me, yet she has a boyfriend. I guess she just rolls that way, and that he doesnt care too much, because they are actually going out. After that, we went to a restaurant for lunch, where one of the girls I was becomign better friends with made me her "boyfriend", so in addition to a wife I have her, and that girl with the boyfriend is my mistress. I have a large family. That day too, I arm linked ( also later in Wasaw) with Q, and I think she might like me, or maybe shes jsut one of those people becoming better friends with me. I dont know. I cant know. We had free time that day, and there was an option of touring Krakow, so I took it, visiting elaborate churches. F was in my group, but we barely talked and she moslty hung out with the counselors, rather than kids. Shes a bit stragne in that she has a very limited group of friends. But what was amazing was this giant Pillow Fight that took place in the town square while I was there, with thousand participants. I got some feahters in my hair, but never was hit, thankfully. It was very funny and fun, and was a great thing to see and experience, especially as I didnt expect it at all. That night, our principial basically ranted (although it was called a testimony) about reofrm judaism and how people calling reform judaism a holocaust are wrong (and I agree with him) and that progress is necessary in Judaism to grow and survive. but he gets really enraged and fired up, which is a bit funny at times, but also firghtening. But i like him overall, and he later spoke about his aprents' holocaust experiences, which was the main point of the talk. Also, me and my guy friend have this ongoing joke about loving each other, and he turned out to be my husband, adding to my family. But tomorrow was Auschwitz. And I was prepared.
SUNDAY APril 5th
Auschwitz. First thing in the morning. We toured the camp on the cold, clear morning. I cant describe what I saw. Barbed wire, countless barracks left over. The ruins of the gas chambers and crematoria. But all I could think about was my relatives who died here, and the fact that my dad was almost sent here, and surely would have died here. I have to admit, and out all the places int he world, this is the one place where I would tear up. And I did. ANd Im not afraid to admit it because when you take something as serious as the death of your family and people, it amounts to a lot of emotion. We even saw left over bone fragmetns still left in pits, which disgusted me even further. This was Auschwiz II-Birkenau. I cant really desrcibe it any further, words cant exactly describe what I saw and felt. Just uttermost terror and sadness. Auswitz I, the original camp with the "Arbeit Macht Frei" on the gate was less emotional, as it was less of a classic concentration camp, and more of an army barrack, and it was hard to imagine people dying here, espeically with an emtionless tour guide. But I cant blame her, she has to talk about death and destruction every day. SHe has it rough. After, we went to the nearbty synagogue, where my friends got angry at me for not hooking up with F yet, but I really doubt it will happen. I will never assume anything about girls ever again. They are too unpredictable. Anyway, we had a rousing song session of "Am Israel Chai" (The Jewish nation lives) whioch meant a lot, considering our visit to Auschwitz that day and marking the continuation of our people, despite the will of Hitler. But regarding the Holocaust, I cant really say anything that hasnt been said already. ANd words cant describe the true terror I finally realized grasped the Jews that died and were sent to the camps. I finally turned this story into reality, and I still have trouble grapsing that its truth. But it is. And it happened. And we must remember.
MONDAY, APRIL 6th
We toured the Warsaw ghetto this day, nothing too special, just being very hungry. But it was meaningful as well, as my father was in a ghetto as well in greece, so I was able to make the personal connection that I need to feel something. SO later we visited some Polish kids for "discusiion groups" which pretty much was very awkward as they didnt speak english too well and we spoke no polish, but simple things were understood and it was an experiecne to talk with kids from other countries. It was here that I hung with F's friends again, and we got into a situation where we kissed each other on the cheeks, and it was cute and confidence boosting. I guess I just impressed them that much. Maybe Im not as big of a loser as I thought I was. NAd ont he bus ride there, which was dividd among bus groups, so we sat with new people than usual, we had a rousing rendition of "Oh My Lord", a mock baptist spiritual song, which I happened to sing at my camp as well. In between verses, someone would deliver a short sermon, something that I did as well, as people repsonded postiviely to mine and congratulated on it afterwards, I liek doing southern baptist preacher voices, so if you ever need someone to do that, ask me. Or Shwarzenegger, I can do him too. After this we head to the airport, our flight moved forward to 730PM rahter than 320AM, which was lifesaver. The security took forever, as they had no x ray machines for the chekc in luggage, so everyone had to take out their suitcases and reveal the contents to the security people. It took ages. I also had to leave the security check, dump my water out, go back in becuase I forgot I had water with me, and you acant bring liquids on to planes anymore... The plane was filled with israelis that were super annoying and bothersome, even some hoke dup with people on my program. Even if she was gorgeous, I woudl not hook up witho someone because I have standards and Im not a manwhore. HAHA. OK. ANyway, one of my better friends is seeming to become more distant to me, hanging out with other people more, but at least Ive made much more friends where it doesn tbother me as much as it did before. But on the plane , thos girl asked me to hold her hand during liftoff, and she also claims to be my girlfriend. ANother member of the family. ALso the two girls that Ive become better frends with and who seem to be obsessed with (which I dont mind at all) jumped on me in my airplane seat, which I actually really liked and made me feel a lot better socially. I also was a very nice person and switched seats several time so that people could sit where they wanted. Im so awesome and modest. ANway, getting back to ISrael was great and I couldnt be happier right now. Expcept maybe being with everyone as Im at a host family and maybe a girlfriend, but I feel pretty good right now. ANd I got to go right now becuase they think Im weird as I ve been on the computer forever, so Ill tell you all about my life since landing in iSrael after my seas to sea hike. GOODBYE FARWELL and ill write this time next week, hopefully I worte enoguh for you to analyze over the next week. BYE!!!!(*()))(&)*(&!
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